Once but Forever.

I remember the first time I took an AP English course in high school. I was having trouble starting with the introduction of an essay as always. I tend to hesitate into long hours of the night trying to contemplate how to start out with this amazing big bang, but the truth is it never quite happens that way.

So, it was the first essay of my first AP English class of my Junior year. I was a new student, and I was encouraged so greatly by my previous institution that I was convinced I was deserving of an AP course at this new school. I spent hours mulling over what to write, and frankly I don't remember what the hell I was writing about. All I remember was starting the introduction about heroes, and about superman and something about his S across his chest.

Then, during class period, we exchanged papers to give constructive criticism. After reading the essay from a boy I was slightly interested in, I immediately became embarrassed by my lack of skill in writing. His essay was so direct, to the point, strong and ended with a swiftness of a deadly sword. I saw him raise his brow as he read my paper, and after that day I refused to return to class.

I only really knew two or three people in that class, one was a natural, he did his essays at the very last minute and the teacher swore by his talent. I envied him so, and yet he was still humble enough to never let it go to his head. Another was a girl I was sure had it in for me, she was very catty and sarcastic which seemed with the intent to hurt rather than be witty. The third, well the third was the boy who read my essay.

After several months of ditching AP English and a terrible report card my mom asked me what was going on, I replied "I want to go back to regular English. I'd rather be at the top of the average barrel than the bottom of an excellent one."

I don't know where I had the gut to hold so much neurosis. It hasn't changed much, I still embarrass and disappoint myself from time to time. Instead of cowering in the fear of my self-ridiculing conscience I have met another Lauren that is very well encouraging. This, in fact, is someone I never wish to part with.