Awake.

I can't sleep.

Sleep has never worked in behalf of me, it has either been excessive and detrimental, or lacking in mass amounts. Everything feels so black and white, all or nothing, with no in betweens and hardly any room for compromise. I know this is not true, but in times of distress and overwhelming pressure, I'm left to feel caught in the middle eager to run either way. It's strange because it's very rare that I stand my ground in the position that I am in. I have this sort of passive-aggressive technique that really gets me no where and typically ends up in neurotic disorderly thought processes that eat me alive at night.

On the upside of things, despite whatever trauma I may be enduring for the next year, or decade at that, I have been blessed enough to realize that I have the most beautiful and caring people in my life that no attorney can take away. I was baffled by the trust that my family has bestowed upon me, and in times of doubt and insecurity they have always remained and continue to remain right behind me in my trials. This is worth more than anything in my life that I can imagine. I know it sounds silly to say that love prevails all things, but it is true. Love is the energy that flows through the circuits of our body and motivates our words, our actions, and fuels our potential with an unyielding drive that no barrier can stop. I can't sleep because I owe it to these people, to be the person that they so strongly believe in, not only for them but most importantly for myself. Ultimately this ideal person that they see, has always been the person that I have wanted to be. I must move from being my own obstacle and take stand where I am and open my eyes to the person that has been hidden within my buried conscience. Today, well, stand aside, because I'm not fucking moving anywhere without a decent fight.