This ship has sunk!

That is not the truth, this ship is afloat and abroad, while heading for the sunrise.

I had told Chris while I was in some sort of panicking breakdown of uncertainty:
"I feel as if I am the captain of a ship, the ship being my body, my heart, my soul, everything of me. I am the captain and my crewmen are running about the ship, functioning the ship in a busily manner while ignoring my presence. I am the captain and I don't know what's going on, my crewmen aren't listening to me, it's my ship, it's my ship! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CONTROL MY SHIP!" I broke down and started crying and even my own tears felt foreign to me.

There must be a God, there has to be. It wasn't until tonight that I was absolutely certain of this. I can't say whether or not this God is Jesus, or Jehovah, or Allah, or Buddha, or whoever any individual may choose. But he exists, and he is there watching us. Watching the cards become dealt, watching our actions and our hearts, and observing our intentions. I've always been concerned with what is ultimately GOOD vs. what is ultimately BAD. I've taken it to levels where I would attempt to justify what could have been deemed as "bad" acts and tried to see the "good" side of it. I realize now that this should not be my ultimate concern. There is only the truth vs. the untruth, the false, the non-existent. Surprisingly in this world...There is only Truth, with a capital T.

The truth is, people are beautiful, although beauty may be subjective, it is true that one may find one thing beautiful that another may not. The truth is, we always have that decision to decide. Our hearts do, our minds do. We can shun people away, dwell on people that interfere with our lives or made the choice to negatively intervene. Their actions we cannot change, but the Truth is, that we can change ours. I have been dealt such a lovely hand.

I consistently say "dealt" as in there were no things in my control. Some things, there are, and some things I did not have the control over. My mother for instance, I don't know how I was given such a beautiful woman to care and nurture me. My family, whether it be my absent father, or my adorning aunt that lives 500 miles away from me that I miss daily. I can't even fathom WHY I have the hand that I was dealt in that matter. I can however, never take this hand for granted. Truth is not subjective, I always thought it was. I never understood that Platonic "Form" Plato was talking about, and now I do, in a non-understandable way, haha, if that makes any sense.

People are beautiful and inexplicable, and in the presence of those that are not, beautiful people emerge, and why? Well...then there's God. The Truth is, sometimes faith is the only thing that can put your mind at rest when there are only untamed molecules flying about with information on what, when, where, and how. The question Why will always remain left as a choice, your acceptance, and my acceptance.

I am my ship. I am alive and abroad. I am my captain, and this is my ship, watch as I set sail among the sea.