Friendships are beginning to wear thin. I feel overused, underused, a door mat essentially that needs traffic for some sense of purpose. Yeah, you can bet that sounds pretty pathetic.
I can't imagine to whom I've been the model friend. I have no interest in being socially active. If socially active requires terrible small talk discussed over loud music with the accompany of some sort of alcohol, well then I guess I'm shit out of luck. I can't remember how I established the friendships that have lasted long enough to mean something worthwhile. Samantha and I met while arguing over a similar pink jump rope in the first grade. I met Anna during a Theater course in high school where she extended her hospitality to invite me to sit with her during lunch where I then met the lovely Gabby and Jacqui. Other than that I can't remember a time where I offered myself first and foremost to establish a friendship out of my own free will.
Maybe that's it. I'm too afraid.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
10 years away.
Don't ask me that question. Please don't get me started.
The deal is, I can paint the picture any which way I damn well please. Except, every which way I damn well please is too many ways. And with too many ways, well, we all know, consequentially I will end up with too much time left to decide. What is this is some sort of shitty subconscious plan that I've got in my head? You know, the kind where I refrain from making life changing decisions, so I wait for them to shrivel up and expire so that they're removed from my ballot? In a decade or so I can always scratch off Ballerina, or Modern dance instructor. I absolutely despise the waiting, and yet, as of now that is all that it seems that I am doing. When the hell did I become so indecisive. I need to know that when a situation arises I'll be able to get off the fucking fence and make a good, solid, logical decision.
I want so many things, and although some seemingly conflict, somewhere in my mind believes they can all be accomplished at once---during my lifetime.
The deal is, I can paint the picture any which way I damn well please. Except, every which way I damn well please is too many ways. And with too many ways, well, we all know, consequentially I will end up with too much time left to decide. What is this is some sort of shitty subconscious plan that I've got in my head? You know, the kind where I refrain from making life changing decisions, so I wait for them to shrivel up and expire so that they're removed from my ballot? In a decade or so I can always scratch off Ballerina, or Modern dance instructor. I absolutely despise the waiting, and yet, as of now that is all that it seems that I am doing. When the hell did I become so indecisive. I need to know that when a situation arises I'll be able to get off the fucking fence and make a good, solid, logical decision.
I want so many things, and although some seemingly conflict, somewhere in my mind believes they can all be accomplished at once---during my lifetime.
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