Ill.

Up past midnight, reading Gulliver's Travels while I cough to the point of perfecting the muscles in my abdomen. It's that bad. Coughing requires use of my entire body, so I've developed upper back pain and muscle tension in my abs. Egh.

I sleep a good four to five hours without severely coughing. I'd like to think I'm slowly walking downhill to the tail-end of this inevitable cold. I wish I had different flavors or tea and a well stocked pantry with different kinds of soup. God, I am so sick of soup.

I keep thinking about starting another book club. I only have one month of vacation and I'm already sick of the inactivity. I read Jane Eyre for a moment, and my Mother is right, Bronte trumps Austen without question. However, I left my book in my boyfriend's car and had to pick up another book. Here we are Gulliver's Travels...

I feel.. unlike myself. Brainwashed, as if I cannot make any decisions for myself without some odd intervention of a stranger, a salesperson, or a mongrel. Sometimes I feel that I would be better suited on a farm, or in the mountains away from a superficial world. What I do know? :T

Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pinky?

Have you ever stayed up all night contemplating what is required of you to change the world?

Maybe it doesn't have to be something as large at the world. It could be something like changing a habit that will affect your overall life and possibly the lives around you. I spend so much of my time at night contemplating things that I can do differently. It's quite rare that I sit in my bed and think to myself, "Ah, I have achieved all the things I anticipated today. Good for you, Lauren!"

Nope, I can't recall such a night.
Is it bad to not quite accomplish all that you aspire to each night? I write to-do lists constantly in order to gratify myself. I don't feel like I've been the slightest bit productive unless I write something down and erase it upon completion. That isn't to say that I go to bed each night battering myself into thinking that I'm inadequate. No, it's not that. Every night I just feel like there is more to be done and that apart of my gift of life includes consistent thought processes and action.

I suppose I should take more action than use time contemplating it.
Yes, more action, indeed.

Goodnight.