I'm upset with myself...
...wait for it...
wait for it...
for not writing as much as I used to.
Actually, it's very common of me to become upset and stressed too easily. I asked my boyfriend the other night: "Why am I so terrible at everything?" - "You're not you're just flustered very easily." That is the nicest truth anyone has every told me. It is true nonetheless. I feel like one of my siblings when they were toddlers attempting to squeeze the circle block into the square puzzle. After attempting to force it with all humanly possible toddler strength, the kid ends up crying out of frustration and running to mommy. Yes, that's me. Except I'll be 23 this year, and my toddler days are well over with.
Math has never been my forte, nor has management, or any kind of hand-eye-coordinated sport. Yet, all these tasks I've been confronted with, or even pushed into by my own will. I want to pursue my English major, and I cannot allow Math to challenge and defeat me as it always has. Management, well, I have to make end's meet somehow. As for hand-eye-coordination, I have been forcing myself to play tennis because I'm like a puppy that has seen a ball for the first time and can't manage to exercise for the sake of my own well--being. Either way I hope to gracefully silence these challenges once and for all. I struggle on a day to day basis, but it feels empowering, knowing that I'm getting somewhere, that I've hit the incline of the tallest hill, chugging my engine that can.
Sometimes, at the end of the day I feel lonely. It's hard to remember all the valuable aspects of your life when someone or something is breaking at your every whim to knock you down and take everything your worth, even if it's your dignity. Most importantly, I must remember that I am not alone, I have a wonderful supporting mother that loves to ache me with her excessive love that can be unbearable sometimes (because too much love, in the form of disagreement can be an overdose for a straining day). Overall, I'm happy. I know that whenever you say the words or god forbid write them in text you're bound for a boxing match with that steroid infested German from Rocky. Yet, it's not the least bit discouraging, I'm not going to lie, I'm scared sometimes, and boy do I worry my head off, but this time it can't stop me from where I'm going. Even if it's straight to the floor, I gave it, and I'll never need to lose any sleep over "what if's?" if I didn't.
Good Morning.
